"Can't Help ... Won't" - my thoughts on a huffington post artical

"In people on the Autistic Spectrum who present as Pathological Demand Avoidance, they can't help the fact that they won't do something - the reason they won't is because they can't; it's too difficult for them." - https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/neil-ayres/cant-help-wont-_b_7783632.html

   

Someone I love has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis. People judge and say:
-	my loved one is "manipulative,"	Nope.
-	my loved one is "dominating"	Nope.
-	my loved one shows evidence of "bad" parenting,	Nope.
-	my loved one has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).	and Nope.

My loved one has these PDA traits:
-	intolerable pressure towards expectations (like routines, chores, scheduled outings) from self and others with uncanny perseverance and ability to use interpersonal skills to avoid those tasks even when they genuinely want to do the task;
-	passionate often obsessive concern within their social circle but a delay in understanding social nuances that seems overly naïve;
-	negative results from traditional parenting techniques like rewards, praising behavior, punishment, and time out;
-	successive unexpected impetus mood swings;
-	extensive devotion to pretend or role play sometimes with a need to direct the play;

In the beginning, I discussed my relationship with my loved one with others. Without fail others wanted to give me advice even though they had NO experience, NO training, and NO empathy for my loved one.

I don't have PDA but today this is the closest way I can explain where my loved one lives.

I had been so excited to go into this building. I remember it had been the tallest building in the world. I was the one who chose to go there. As soon as I entered the building, I started crying. We walked back outside and I calmed down. I really wanted to go. I'm not afraid of heights. This fear had nothing to do with any threat I could hear or see. Outside I could reason. We entered slower this time. We entered the elevator and it started going up. I was telling myself that I was safe. I started popping my ears from the change in elevation. That's when the elevator fell. The emergency brakes caught and stopped the elevator. All the passengers were thrown to the floor. Something was reset and it continued to the top. Everyone was relieved but not me.
Even though I had arrived at the restaurant, I was devastated. I spent the whole time shivering and vomiting. I was unable to enjoy the view and I was unable to eat. Everything in me was screaming. I was unable to think or reason.

This is it. This is where my loved one goes. They have an automatic physiological reaction to a threat.

When my group was done eating, I was no longer vomiting. I still refused to get back in the elevator. I walked down all 107 flights of stairs. At that point, after an hour or so and walking down 107 flights of stairs, I was still upset, I was still shivering. 

My loved one perceive threats where their rational mind does not. It does not make their reaction any less. They cannot even rationalize with themselves. 

Dain Bramage (Brain Damage)

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Too little sleep causes memory loss and brain damage

Depression causes memory loss and brain damage

Effexor for depression causes memory loss and brain damage

Concussion or head trauma causes memory loss and brain damage.

Low vitamin B1 or B12 levels cause memory loss and brain damage.

Low vitamin B12 & low vitamin D3 cause memory loss.

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Guardian Advocacy some Notes part 1

These are notes I compiled from the Florida Statues and the Pinellas County Clerk of Court 

Florida Statutes 393.012

Florida Statutes 744.3085

When: after child is 17 years ad 6 months old.

Why: In Florida, the child is a majority at 18 years old and the parents can no longer make decisions for them. Many children may still have some adult skills to learn. 

How: 

1. Remember to keep copies of everything.
2. Have a Background Check (the receipt marked paid to be included in the petition for appointment of Guardian Advocate filed with the clerk) Review and Submit Electronic Fingerprints for the proposed Guardian(s). Several companies in both Pinellas Counties provide electronic fingerprint services for Guardian Advocate applicants. In order for the results of the background check to be sent to Clerk of the Court you must provide the fingerprint company the following Originating Agency Identification Number ORI number: ORI # FL052104Z
3. Complete Department of Families and Children (DCF) release form and mail to the Magistrate’s office, 501 1st Ave. N., Room A222, St Petersburg, FL 33701 or email at probateoffice@jud6.org
4. File a copy of the receipt of the payment for the fingerprints with:

• Petition for Appointment of Guardian (or Co-Guardian) Advocate (Form A) - This is the actual request that the court appoint a Guardian Advocate, The Petitioner(s) must provide ALL of the requested information, do not leave any information blank
• Application for Appointment as Guardian Advocate (Form B) - This includes basic information about the person requesting to be appointed Guardian Advocate of the person with developmental disabilities such as name, address, phone number, date of birth, education, employment, etc. The Petitioner must provide ALL of the information, do not leave any information blank.
• Application for Determination of Civil Indigent Status (Form C) - If the individual with a developmental disability cannot afford the filing fees and court appointed attorney fee, then to fill this form out. This needs to be answered as if it is the developmentally disabled individual, income, etc. A developmentally disabled individual is considered indigent if his/her income is equal to or below 200% of the federal poverty guidelines. There is a presumption that the applicant is not indigent if he/she owns, or has equity in, any intangible or tangible personal property or real property or the expectancy of an interest in any such property having a net equity value of $2,500 or more, excluding the value of the person’s homestead and one vehicle having a net value not exceeding $5,000 For further information on completing this form or eligibility to be considered indigent, the Clerk of Court can provide more information.
• Waiver and Consent to Appointment of Guardian/Co-Guardian Advocates(s) (Form D) Signed by the parent not being appointed Guardian Advocate; use only if both parents are not going to serve as co-Guardians. If the other parent has died, provide a copy of his/her death certificate and use Notice of Filing (Form I) to go with death certificate.
• Oath of Guardian Advocate and Designation of Resident Agent (Form E) This document ensures that the proposed Guardian Advocate will faithfully perform his or her duties if selected and certifies that all the information presented to the Court in this proceeding is true. The designation and acceptance by the resident agent constitutes consent to service of process or notice on the agent in its representative capacity in any action and in its personal capacity only in those actions if the guardian is sued personally for claims arising from the administration of the guardianship, pursuant to Florida Probate Rules 5.110. This document must be signed in the presence of a Notary Public or Clerk of the Court who can notarize.
• Oath of Co-Guardian Advocate and Designation of Resident Agent (Form E)
• Complete another Form E for the second Guardian Advocate applicant, if applicable. This document must be signed in the presence of a Notary Public or Clerk of the Court who can notarize. Print two (2) copies of Form E if petitioning for co-guardians.
• Notice of Confidential Filing Information (Form F) - You must file this to notify the Clerk of any confidential information that is in the forms you fill out. This includes Social security numbers, bank account information, health record information, Psychological reports, IEP (Individual Education Reports), etc.
• Department of Children And Families release form (Form G) - This form is sent to the Administrative Office of the Courts, 501 1st Ave. N., Room A222, St Petersburg, FL 33701 or email at probateoffice@jud6.org.  It is NOT filed with the Clerk.
• Notice of Filing (Form H) - Use this form to notify the court that you have filed any of the applicable documents, Death Certificates, Medical or school reports, receipt for fingerprints for criminal background check reports, etc.
• Designation of Primary and Secondary Email Addresses (Form K) - Use this form to designate a primary and secondary email address for the court to direct all service, correspondence and pleadings.